I decided to write about this because some of you may be thinking it can't all be rosy and red or can it? The first two weeks after I had stopped my full-time job at Zalando in Berlin I was high. I was gonna follow my dream and do everything to make a living of my music and I was gonna make it or break it! It is always easy to talk about what you dream about but a whole other ballgame to go after it, embrace it and live it.
I wanted to wake up every morning and feel good about what I do. If not 100% of the time than at least 95%! That is why I love Steve Jobs and his quotes. He was his passion and he lived his dream. He said that if he woke up too many days in a row feeling unhappy about work he knew he had to make a change and he did.
The first 10 days of my new life were great. I was in Denmark visiting friends, having meetings with music people and a photographer I have worked with. I came back to Berlin full of energy and with a detailed plan with big goals. After a few days I hit the wall!
How was I gonna pull this off? I could not see the road ahead. I had no real structure or guarantee of success. No safety net. I had moved passed my comfort zone and was freaking out. For a while it felt like complete chaos would swallow me up.
I had so many ideas but I did not know where to begin. I needed a website, a video for my song, a whole bunch of people who could spread my music and tons of other things. I had saved up some money so I could stay floating for a while without an income, but then what? How would I make money again soon?
Then a close friend said to me; "Nina, why do you need all this? Why do you need a video before you can release your song (that has been finished since Oktober 2012 !). Why do you need to blog about it all before it is even begun? It is moving your focus from your music. Is the key to it all not just getting up on that stage and singing?"
I fell silent. He was right and it annoyed me. I could not write about following my dream until I had performed my songs live for an audience. I needed to break all my big goals into smaller ones and start with the most important; performing my music.
I felt that my product (my music) needed all this fancy wrapping for people to be interested in it. I needed a blog, a website, a music video, interviews... you name it! The next few days I was confused. I set my website on a halt. Stopped blogging. I put a post on facebook where I searched for musicians in Berlin and one hour later I was lucky.
This was one month ago and since then I have performed my songs 3 times and have set a goal to keep doing this every week and test my material. When I am on stage I feel like I am in my right element and it clears my mind and reminds me of what I love the most and why I quit my job and "old" life. Trough my music I can express the real authentic me and doing what I love gives me such a boost. It makes me feel that anything is possible! I know there is still quite a way to live of my music, but I made the first moves towards it and that is key!
I have teamed up with so many artistic and creative people here in Berlin the past few weeks and this gives me courage and inspiration and possibilities to perform even more places! It feels so good to be around like minded people - we lift and help each other!
All it took to get me "moving" again after hitting the wall (and in the right direction too) was some honest advice from a friend and one single post on facebook (ahh ok, and pusing myself past my comfort zone as well).
It may not be rosy and red to follow my biggest dream, but I would rather have my ups and downs and get bruised along the way than keep playing it safe and never daring to do it. I feel more alive now than ever before and that in itself is worth every bit of it!
In case you want to read Steve Jobs great quotes - here is a link: http://www.freemake.com/blog/steve-jobs-quotes/
Love Nina
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